Be curious to excel rather than anxious for others' approval.
Many of us are eager to seek appreciation for whatever we do. We feel honoured if somebody gives us praise for our speaking, dressing, hobby, or something else. We show our stuff to outsiders to get positive comments. It gives pleasure, at least momentarily.
William James says that the deepest principle in human nature is the carving to be appreciated.
Many people are not sure about their creation. They are keen to seek the approval of others to feel good.
In fact, for anything, the opinions of people are quite different, and it becomes difficult to decide where we stand. As seen in the case of the newly constructed residence of Mr. X, who was happy with this creation.
Some friends say it is modern, spacious, well ventilated, and well furnished.
Some relatives say it is surrounded by huts, with waterlogging nearby, and devoid of greenery.
Some are jealous and label Mr. X as self-centred, investing money just to impress others.
Mr. X is an approval seeker and gets confused simply because he does not feel okay on important parameters of reasonable living conditions. A close friend says people have their own opinions about anything, and all are partial. When this truth was emphasised, Mr. X forgot what others said about the residence of his dream.
How you react emotionally is a choice in any situation, says Judith Orloff.
When we are insecure, other people start to play a big role in our lives. We start living by the rules framed by them, not ours. We must come out of insecurity to feel a sense of adequacy, at present, in our own creation. Go for improvement as per our own judgement of things, not because of deficiencies pointed out by others.
In place of unfair comparisons, why not compare our own work of today, say, writing, with its status just two or three years ago? It is more meaningful.
Let the different people continue to frame their comments for the same piece of work. Ignoring adverse remarks is not easy, but with practice, it is possible.
Even educated individuals are not aware of how immature they are in assessing things from genuine perspectives. Without being aware of the facts, they feel compelled to comment.
We must feel curious to excel in our designs of things to defuse feelings of inadequacy and frustration. We must know that good work is like a ripple that spreads itself when a pebble is dropped in a still pond.
Be clear: our self-worth must not be allowed to be decided by others. Outsiders will assess the self-worth of someone based on what they notice, coupled with their own values and beliefs. They know our actions but not our strengths, which are hidden treasures in all of us. So the crux is to focus on our strengths.
Have a deep knowledge of our strengths, which are expandable, and make sure to leverage them to upgrade ourselves regularly.
If we feel uneasy carrying out huge tasks, start with a small part of that task to inject momentum to take up the whole of our tasks ahead. Note that every challenging task contributes to our growth.
Unpack tonnes of messages we have internalised in the past without sensing their bad effects that need to be washed out of our minds to keep space for our strength to flourish.
Progress is all about our omissions and errors and learning from them. Our personal narratives shape our lives. Don’t limit ourselves to meeting the herd’s rough expectations.
The hopes of the world are based on how youth look at things and how curious they are about making them better. Our future is being created today. Keeping problems aside, we have to play the game of possibilities.
At times, we are reluctant to accept hard facts. They are most likely to be a strong component of our strength once they are properly addressed.
It robs us of our self-esteem when we start weighing our performance against the standards prescribed by others. We have to be conscious of this ground rule.
Acknowledge the fact that others are not free to look at the details of our even grand work as we are for them.
Learn from flowers that are not in a hurry to bloom. Time comes, and blooming happens. Our work will bloom regardless of who has appreciated it and how many have been averse to it. Realise that we are capable individuals.
Now say adieu to seeking the approval of others every now and then for our small, midsize, or tall accomplishments. Make our products so attractive that people stop to see what they are.
Now conclude this topic with the words of Jane Austen:
It is not what we say or think that defines us, but what we do.