Listening first and listening well
All day we speak, we listen, we instruct, we get guidance, and the process continues in a family, at work, in formal meetings, and in informal face-to-face conversations. In whatever situation we are in, all parts of our verbal and nonverbal communication carry a lot of meaning. These are the moments when we either improve ourselves or waste time on nonsense.
It seems necessary to clarify that in this blog, the importance of listening in our communication is highlighted, not the communication as a whole.
As per a rough estimate, common men spend three-fourths of their waking hours speaking and listening, and the rest of their time reading, writing, walking, thinking, and something else. Looking at occupations and engagements, time slots vary.
Whenever we sit as an audience, we must listen to the speaker attentively, without interruption. It creates a healthy environment for learning.
"The art of conversation lies in listening ". -----Malcom Forbes. 
Don’t listen defensively. It occurs when we listen to counter the speaker’s viewpoints just to be identified as knowledgeable. We start formulating questions when the explanation or details have yet to come. It is the worst kind of listening.
Don’t listen passively. We are hearing the voices of the boss or guest speaker but thinking about catching the train in the evening. We are participating physically, but our minds are wandering as usual. We are not interested in learning something new. Eyes frequently go to the wall clock.
Listen with a clear mind. The speaker is explaining something, but the audience hears it differently. It becomes the root of many conflicts in a family, society, or larger group. It happens because the audience fits the messages into their established frame of mind and interprets them according to their assumptions and convictions.
"Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, and others over self." ------ Dean Jackson
Listen fully and actively. When we are devoting time and energy, we must listen actively. Actively means keeping our ears active, our eyes open, our facial expression positive, and no side talk.
We can’t listen completely with our ears alone.
When we need more clarification, we can get it after the completion of that part of the talk. We can also get the issues resolved by being fair and fearless in the majority of instances.
To listen genuinely, we must train our minds to focus on what is being shown or said.
In any communication, the giver and receiver of the message are equally responsible.
As speakers, anchors, or moderators, their prime concern must be to make the message free from ambiguity and misinterpretation. In this blog, the focus is on the audience and not the person on the podium.
While listening, the process moves like this:
1. We receive information that may have some impurity, tilt, favour, or confusion.
2. We absorb all information and filter it to wash out useless parts of the whole, which we gather.
3. Don’t be quick to judge anything. If possible, know the context. A debate on content without context is a waste of time.
4. Retain what adds to our clarity, knowledge, and imagination. We do cross-check to ascertain realities if confusion persists. It takes time to clear the clouds in some cases.
5. We have full control over how we evolve our understanding. As such, we must not avoid listening to those who are presenting things differently or even opposite our views.
"Don’t allow your ego to diminish your ability to listen". -------- Grey Hopkins
The benefits of active listening may be summed up as follows:
● It improves our knowledge and insights.
● It enlarges our range of imagination.
● We get clarifications and erase fears.
● It facilitates making decisions on time.
● It provides an open environment to interact.
● It helps to come out of self-imposed limitations.
● It scales up our learning process.
In school, we were repeatedly told to "listen carefully ". At that time, most of us obeyed it out of respect for our teachers. Now, as adults, we are realising what the two words mean.
Listening is a great life skill. It is said that a child learns by listening before speaking. Let us practise being active listeners even under uneasy circumstances.